I am a married BL.

I believe God's will is for me to stay married. (Matt 19 "what God has joined together let no man separate").

The thought of having sex with my wife without thinking about boys makes me feel sick.

The more I try and pursue it, the worse these feelings get.

I get to the point of being suicidal about it. Not that I intend to act on my suicidal feelings so don't worry... but I still feel them very strong sometimes. I just want out of my body!

I can't force myself to be attracted to her! No matter how much I try.

So I tell myself this... "If I really, really, really can't make it work... then the answer is not suicide... its exiting the marriage".

Saying this does give me some relief from my suicidal feelings.

But....

At the end of the day I really believe that God wants me in this marriage so I keep on hoping that He's going to give me a way to function in it sexually.

Keep those prayers coming guys :S
Cat.