Hey Globulous!
Nice to hear from you. Hopefully you're doing better in the morning and can clear up some of the edited things.

I too would like to hear your answers to Cat's questions - interesting perspectives!

But the one thing that I would like to comment on is when you said that you couldn't feel emotion. I don't know if we're talking about the same thing, but there has been periods of varying length where I would fall into that description. Like life is passing you by and you are only doing the motions and there is no attachment or meaning to anything. Anything I was motivated to do was motivated through immediate gratification - things just really didn't matter.

What I've come to discover is that that comes from not having a solid foundation to base my life on. With out a goal or reason for doing things, there consequently wasn't a reason to really care about anything else. And I thought about what I could base my life on. Boys? Well, that would probably be the first choice, but unfortunately that is unrealistic for many reasons (I can be involved in various ways in helping boys, but my whole life cannot be exclusively based on them). Money? A Job? School? Even hobbies? All of these things are not substancial enough, in my findings at least, to base your life and the meaning of everything else off of.

My conclusion - I could only find meaning in everyday things if they were all rooted in a solid foundation, and that foundation was God. Living for God gives meaning to everything and gives insight and perspective to every situation. Living your life based on God, you cannot help but to feel! But this has to be genuinely for God, and only you can be your own judge, but even now I would say that my life isn't genuinely based on God, and thus I am half way into that "following the motions"/"third person perspective" thing. But everytime I shift my values back towards God, things just fall into place!

Why, in my case at least, continutally focusing my life on God is difficult, I have no idea. But all I know is that if I take the time to consciously do it, I can really improve my life.

Pick up the New Testiment (and the Old too). Talk to God. Yell at God. Cry to God. See God in the person sitting next to you. Maybe even go to church (but make sure you're going for the right reason and with the proper understanding of its purpose - many people have been turned off from the church because they didn't fully understand its intent). All these things - try them. Then review your life and see if it made a difference. I bet it will. I hope it will!

Talk to you soon!

Graces of God,
Deliverance