Such men do not actually exist. I have looked for them for years. I have found quite a few who claim to be that way. However, when you get to know them, you slowly begin to realize that the only thing that has changed in their lives is their definition of what the word gay means. In their eyes, a gay person is someone who practices the gay lifestyle. Since they no longer practice it, they feel they can call themselves ex-gay. Of course, anyone who is honest with themselves will quickly realize that this makes about as much sense as a single and not looking straight person calling themselves ex-straight because they are no longer leading the heterosexual lifestyle.

The best explanation I have heard was from a happily married ex-gay evangelist, who among other things, preaches on redemption. What he said is that people always ask him whether he is still tempted by men. His response was something very close to: "of course! if Satan knows your weakness is alcohol, he's not going to tempt you with drugs, hes going to tempt you with alcohol. if he knows your weakness is drugs, hes not going to tempt you with homosexuality, hes going to tempt you with drugs. Satan will always attack your weaknesses, of course Satan still tries to tempt me to go back to that life." This is a very positive attitude, but it also reveals the truth of what these ex-gay people are. They are people just like most of us in every respect except in their definition of the word "gay".


Here are some articles on the topic. They come from the same site because I was looking for a specific multi-part series on this topic that they published long ago and I found to be particularly well researched and written. I didn't find it, but here are some other articles on the topic:

http://dir.salon.com/story/news/feature/2005/07/18/ungay/index.html
http://dir.salon.com/story/news/feature/2005/07/21/ex_gays/
http://archive.salon.com/health/feature/2000/05/22/exgay/index.html
http://www.salon.com/books/review/2006/07/11/erzen/index.html

Contrary to what the Christian right proclaims, ex-gay programs operate more like 12 Step regimens than like psychiatric treatments for, say, depression or bipolar disorder. Worthen and other gurus of reparative therapy often speak of homosexuality as a form of addiction, and just as AA holds that an alcoholic is never really "cured," only "sober," they caution that relapses or "sexual falls" remain an ever-present threat to the devout ex-gay. AA members refer to themselves as alcoholics even when they're not drinking, and, Erzen believes, "ex-gay" is a similar identity group, an unsettled and perilous condition rather than a firm relocation to heterosexuality.


Basically, ex-gays are gay men who stopped having sex with men and started calling themselves ex-gay.