So here is what I am finding.

I have kinda stopped having sex with my wife... cause I can't do that without thinking about boys and neither of us want that.

I'm trying to avoid masturbation. The theory I'm trying on is ... If I can't have sex with my wife then I go without.

I seem to be able to go for a few weeks then I give in... but its usually over very very quickly with very little fantasy and not really enjoyable... but it releases the pressure.

I seem to be fairly successful in not daydreaming about boy sex... though I think about sex allot. I just don't go into developed fantasy scenarios.

Now this would be ok for me, living like this, except for the dreams I start having at night.

I end up having VERY graphic sex dreams about boys... things I would NEVER choose to fantasize about. I dream about forcing boys... or about sexing up boys I know in real life. These dreams are very stressful.

I'm wondering if with time I can starve out the dreams. But what if they continue?

There is a boy I know and like very much and I have worked hard to make sure my conscious thoughts about him are always appropriate and non-sexual. Then he appears in my dream and I'm forcing him to have sex. Then he is all upset with me. [Gag] That was just terrible! I don't want dreams like these!

I never had these kind of dreams when I was fantasy-wanking.

The ideal path in my mind would be to have a sexual relationship with my wife without fantasy. We are going to a counselor soon to try and explore ways to make that happen. But if I can't succeed at that, then what?

Is it better to control my sexual thoughts by choosing what I fantasize about during wanking... or should I just accept these out of control dreams?

Of course I still wonder if what I'm thinking about during the day is adding to my dreams. That seems totally relevant. But I think about how horrible it would be to force a boy... then I dream of doing it. Its like the dreams reflect what I don't want.

Then of course when I see a boy in real life I've just dreamed of having a wild sexual encounter with... it definitely effects the way I look at him. The dream puts thought temptation there that otherwise I wouldn't entertain.

What should I do?
Blessings
Cat.