I can't and never have been able to get it on with my wife without fantasy (and more than one friends have confessed the need to fantasize to me, despite being heterosexual).

Interstingly, I find my dreams of youth subside for a day or two after sex with my wife. (Putting the snake to sleep for a while?) I've always reckoned if I could learn to be attracted to her then everything would be fine (cries of "yeah, right" from the crowd there, I suspect).

Your wife is completely off the mark about your desires. The "finding it disgusting" idea is crap - apart from anything else, you DON'T find it disgusting - that's the whole point. Lying about it won't help you. I reckon it's just her way of dealing with what she feels is HER inadequacy in not being able to meet your needs. "If I were a better wife/lover/partner, maybe he wouldn't be like that..." or similar - she dumps on you to assuage her own guilt, effectively. Sad, but (I think) true.

You can't win, Cat. Your sexuality is abberant (spelling?) and that isn't going to change. Working out what to do with it is the real problem... No easy (or even hard) answers for you there I'm afraid.

Meanwhile I keep praying for you. His grace is sufficient, it just seems hard to find where it's at sometimes...

All the best, my friend.

EMPIRE