So here it is...
My wife and I tried having a sexual encounter the other night.... ummm... very stressful.

After 20 years of sex with boy fantasy I'm finding it VERY difficult/impossible to do it without.

She's pretty convinced that I need to be healed and that the only reason it's not happening is because I don't want it to. She believes I'm interested in boys because I want to be. That if only I'd choose to see it as disgusting then I'd be able to get over it.

I don't agree with her.

However, I try and consider what she's saying and see if there's any truth in there somewhere.

I tried really hard not to think about boys while we were sexing up.... I couldn't do it. The images kept flashing in my head and whilst I tried not to focus on them... they definitely influenced my arousal and helped me get to orgasm... which was pleasurable but not enjoyable... if that makes any sense :S.... its hard to enjoy something so stressful.

Anyway... I went to sleep shortly after feeling VERY stressed. And then my dreams reflected my stress.

I dreamed that I was sexing up a boy.... surprise surprise... actually it was a very graphic dream. And the boy told me he had a cure for my sexuality. That if I would just let him insert his penis into my nostrils that I wouldn't like boys anymore.

ummmm.... I didn't work.
Sheesh! Dreams!

Blessings
Cat.