Hey Zeke,

A big welcome to cblf.

I read your post along with several others and I had to get out of here for a bit. :S

Your post really affected me.

The idea of you having this relationship with your yf and him being all growed up now and you guys still being friends.... well to be honest .... damn near broke my heart.

I've loved a handfull of boys in my life (no sexual realationships... just fell madly in love with them and some were my yfs). Even though they are grown men now, in my heart I still love them and long for them. I miss them ALL THE TIME.

Now I'm in love again. All I want is to be friends with this boy and watch him grow and be his friend for life. Is it going to happen?.... again for me it don't seem likely. Not if my marriage has any chance.

I saw him at church today.... and cried and cried and cried (not out in the open of course).

In my heart I want to be with him more than with my wife. This kills me.

How can I love him well if I can't be faithful to those whom God has placed in my charge (ie my wife). I would be a poor example to him and I don't want that.

So to truly love him.... I must leave him.... or so it seems. Breaks my heart. But my obedience will be in my actions... and independant of my feelings.

My reward... eternity where I get to be his friend... and my wife's friend... etc... etc... etc...

COME LORD JESUS.

Blessings
Cat.