I have grown so close to God recently, and I can feel his spirit moving in me.

I have had the liberty of being mentored by my youth pastor, and tagging along on middle school trips, and getting to know some of the younger boys.

I have been changed alot in this physical realm, I no longer are attracted to boys, I know a handsom young man when I see one, and boys still amaze me.

Out of all the stuff I have corrected I still can't master.... well, masturbation...

It always ends up being some pointless la la land foolish fantasy about anything, sometimes boys, but only when I masturbate, it just seems like, I don't know..

Im not perfect... but why am I not above this yet?

I am above hate.
I am above cussing.
I am above being silent about my faith.

But I can't get on top of this thing.

Is that bad?