I used to think that there was absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. I think I believed that because I enjoyed it so much and found it impossible to refrain. I still believe there is nothing wrong with the mere act of masturbation. But as we all know, there is a lot more to maturbation than just strokin' the ole tool. For me, I enjoyed the fantasies as much as (maybe more) than the physical release. Since I couldn't allow myself to engage in real sex with boys, the fantasies were the next best thing. And I found that my masturbation fantasies could get pretty real, at least in my mind. But those fantasies were what God didn't like, and they weren't doing me any good either. I would masturbate because of the mental need, not the physical need. In fact, physically I would often find it difficult to complete the act since I would do it so often, and I'm not as young as I used to be. My point is that my frequent fantasies focused my mind on boy-sex way too much. I guess focusing on boy-sex to any degree is too much, but I was really getting to be controlled by it. It was a never ending cycle. The more I fantasied, the more I masturbated, the more I masturbated, the more I fantasied. It fed upon itself.

Thru the grace of God, I have been able to get a better handle (no pun intended) on things lately. He brought me out of the downward spiral I was in. I wish I could say that I no longer have a problem with lust or maturbation fantasies, but that would be untrue. As a human and as a BLer, I suspect I will always have this battle. But what I have been able to do is take more control over my thought life. I have come to the conclusion that masturbation along with the fantasies that accompany it, can be like a drug. It's addicting. It doesn't fill an emotional need for BLers, but it does give some comfort. But that comfort is short lived, and only leads to more need.

So my point of view is that as Christian boylovers, we need to be ever vigilant that if and when we maturbate, we are not trying to fill an emotional need. Physical release may not be so bad, but to look to it for emotional reasons can cause all kinds of problems. I think we can better serve God (and ourselves) by using rw interaction with boys to fill the emotional needs we all have. That doesn't mean we all need to have a youth ministry. I have found that casual interaction can help, and it's more lasting than fantasies. Even just saying a quick prayer for a boy you may see on the street but don't even know can work to give us that emotional link we all seem to crave. The simple act of just loving a boy, whether he knows it or not, gives me a warm feeling. And of course we can't forget to pray for ourselves too, for God to help us keep our minds clean. None of this is easy, and we will always be tempted for the "quick fix" of sneaking back into our fantasy worlds. But it's doable, and I think God honors our efforts.

Dakota