I worked with kids when I was 18.
I had a great time playing and fooling about with them.
Then one day, one of the other adults I worked with pulled me aside and said I needed to spend less time playing and more time supervising.
Something in me changed that day.
I guess you could say I grew up a bit.
From that day to this I have never been able to play with kids like I used to. Sure I am much more responsible as a supervisor, but I feel like I lost something.
I also feel like I liked the playful me better than this new supervisor me.

Well its a long time since I was 18.
And now I've got important people saying things to me again.
Things in the "grow up" variety.
Things in the "give up wanting to be 11 and be a man" kind of variety.
Things in the "if you let go of your desire to BE a boy, then you may find that you will lose your desire to HAVE one".

I'm frightened.
If I listen to these important people will I succeed in growing up?
and will I lose something that I'll regret losing?
Will I like the grown up me?
Is it really going to make any difference to my sexuality?

Cat.