"Your reasoning here seems pretty good, except for your treatment of the verse in Matthew regarding lust. I really believe you are really stretching that interpretation thin to make your point."

I think my interpretation of the verse was pretty thorough based on what the words actually SAY. I gave two alternatives, the one cited by Carson and the more traditional one. In both I made a strong point for not moving BEYOND what the passage says and ADDING things which I find many people do with this passage. For instance, most people bring masturbation into their consideration of this passage when the passage doesn't mention masturbation at all. I think it is VERY important that this passage involves looking at a PARTICULAR person and that in doing so ADULTERY is being committed. Whatever principles we draw about lust in general (and then about masturbation) from this passage, I think we must first acknowledge that a real person is being looked at and that in doing so someone's marriage is being betrayed. Jesus is addressing the sin of Adultery, not of lust. He is saying that adultery can be committed without having actual sex. That as soon as we covet actual sex with a person (either while we are or they are married) then we are committing adultery. I think the fact that Jesus did not apply these principles to general fantasy about non-specific persons if VERY significant. He no where condems sexual desires or even sexual arousal.

"When you masturbate, are you looking at a picture, image, or video, or thinking of something in your head, "admiring" as you say? If you are, then that usually means you are somehow stimulated by that person (or act), which means you are lusting after something...either the person in the photo, or someone in your head, or even the feeling of orgasm."
If you are looking at (or imagining) a PARTICULAR person whether it be in a pic or in real life and masturbating to them, then you are not doing what I have suggested is acceptable. I have suggested that admiring a particular person is acceptable, that being attracted to a particular person is acceptable and that masturbating to non-specific imaginary personas is acceptable. I agree with you that looking at porn or remembering a specific person during masturbation is inappropriate but hungering for "even the feeling of orgasm"... I challenge this VERY strongly. When a person is hungry, we don't believe they are sinning for having a strong desire to eat, nor for enjoying the food when they do eat it. In fact, we would most likly encourage the eating of more tasty food than bland. However, we would advise moderation in quantity of food eaten and in very rich or suggary foods that would cause us physical harm if eaten in excess. Likewise, I think there is nothing wrong with an orgasm, wanting one or even enjoying one, in its proper context and I see no Biblical reason to exclude masturbation per se from this context.

In my case... other than my wife.
You are spot on here. I wasn't applying these principles to my situation, because I acknowledge that I AM married and that my obligation is to be faithful to my wife, in action and in thoughts.
I do question my ability to be sexual in my marriage in absence of attraction to my wife, but that is another issue entierly.

"to say that the function of Marriage is primarily to enable people to fulfill their desires is short-sighted as well"
I didn't say this. In fact I said, "Of course marriage is much more than this, as taught elsewhere in Scripture, but not the subject of this discussion"

"Now it is true that it is better to masturbate and imagine things than to have a porn addiction.
On this point we are in agreement.

But do not delude yourself, it is a sin unless you are not thinking about anything while you are doing it, IMHO.
Is this even possible??? Again I would encourage you to support this with Scripture. If a single person, for instance, imagines sucking a penis of no particular person while masturbating, can you show Scriptural reasons why this is sin?

"It sounds like you are just making an excuse. It is much better to admit that you sin, cus we all do, rather than live in self-denial"
I strongly agree that it is much better to admit sin than to make excuses. But I am not attempting to justify behaviour here. I am making a sincere attempt to ask the question "what actually does Scripture say about these things?" Its a dificult question to ask because I am motivated by sexual desires and because Christian moralists have gone to a lot of trouble to impose things onto the Scriputres in the absence of clear specific boundaries on this subject in the texts themselves.

Perhaps my foundational presuppositon, that we don't choose to be attracted to boys, is in error. In which case every time I admire a boy sexually I am sinning. But if it IS true, then I feel like I have made some good points in this study.

Blessings,
Cat.