http://www.jackinworld.com/qow/qc.html

Question-of-the-week:
WHAT KINDS OF OTHERWISE NON-SEXUAL ACTIVITIES OR SITUATIONS DO YOU ENCOUNTER THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO MASTURBATE?

This Question of the week is particularly hilarious and offers a look into how EVERYBODY has their wires crossed somehow.

Here's three answers, but they're all in the same vein.

Okay, this is a weird one — the smell of coconut gives me an erection, and if I continue to smell it I get so aroused I have to masturbate. I don't know how this started or why it happens, it but it happens every time. Any food or drinks with coconut have the same effect. I wonder if coconut has the same effect on anyone else?
- age 15, Australia
Sad occasions — a dog dying, relationship breakup — that type of situation makes me want to masturbate.
- age 35, Ohio
It may sound strange, but whenever I see a Webster's dictionary I can't help but masturbate. It's unexplainable. I just look at the dictionary, look up masturbation, and then I masturbate to the definition of masturbation!
- age 15, New Jersey