but I get OUT OF BREATH trying to keep up with you sometimes!

Be assured that I read each of your posts with care and attention, and I pray for all the CBLF guys every night.

Unfortunately, life only flows one direction: I can't really "enter into" the emotional instability that is so much a part of your life right now.
But you can -- and, inevitably, will -- enter into the emotional stability that 40 year old guys have. You will have a career that you're good at, and will look forward to working at it every day. The regressive stuff -- "I wanna pway wif widdle boys again" -- will always be a part of you, but let it lead you FORWARD, towards being a dad, rather than backward, to being someone who needs a babysitter. (You have gotten past the stage where you need a babysitter, right? Just checking...)

---Didaskalos