Thaks for the reply, Cat. I'd be interested to know what happened in your deliverance. You said it lasted months. What happened that made it end? Was it a gradual backsliding to more lustful thoughts, or an all at once thing? Do you see anything that happened that might have contributed to it? I'm very interested because I want to do (or not do, as the case may be) whatever it takes to make it last.

I shared what happened with a close friend of mine who knows I'm a pedophile, and he asked why I can't just accept that God healed me and move on with life. I told him that I don't think I'm actually "healed." I still have an interest in boys, I just haven't been lusting after them. But he replied that I've always had an interest in kids, both boys and girls. It's when that interest becomes sexual that makes it wrong. He's right that I have always loved kids of both genders. But with boys, the lines between love and lust have not always been clear to me. So now I don't know what to think. I figure the only way I will ever know how sexually attracted to them I still am is to let myself fantasize about being sexual with them and see if that turns me on. But I am afraid to do anything like that for fear of bringing back the lust I so strongly want to avoid. And we both agree that we don't think God would want me to do that. He thinks the random sexual thoughts I get are out of habit. He thinks that when you think a certain way for a long time, you are bound to have those thoughts come back to you from time to time. I'd like to think he's right. What I've decided to do is to not "test" my deliverance and just let life run it's course. I'm actively trying to avoid lustful thoughts or things that would lead to lustful thoughts (like searching for sexy pics), but I know that sooner or later I will see something or something will happen that I know would generally lead to lust. I don't need to look for it, which might displease God. So when the inevitable happens, I'll try to kind of check my reaction. This should give me a better idea about how far this deliverance goes.

Meanwhile, it's been 2 weeks now. No lust. No horniness. No masturbating. It's amazing how much you can get done when you don't have your penis in your hand all the time. :)

Dakota