First to state that I am not at all labeling myself, nor am i at all ashamed about it, its not really a disorder to me, it more like a lifestyle. Like being black. Or something, you know, its just there.

I think that it would have really helped to know this back in the 'you know what' stage. The most outstanding part I have of it, is the mood swings. I had my best friend and his little brother over the other night, and I was a happy boy, I saw them at church the next night, happy as can be. Then last night, I was sobbing into my pillow, and now I feel fine. The one thing that makes me so happy though, I keep working at it. I am going to see a movie with my best friend later today, and LITERALLY I cannot be sad today.

One day I woke up so depressed, I didn't even get out of bed. I was so sad and unhappy.... the instant he called me on his break... BAM mood swing... I am fine and happy for the rest of the day. He really is the most amazing friend I have ever had.

I hate the things I think about when I am in a down low.
1)I think about being a senior, and graduating, and it scares me.
2)I think about my best friend dying, and that sends me into shock
3)I think about what is going to happen to me this summer

I just hate the way I think when I am in a down low.

Here is funny stuff though.... not only is he my best friend...
he too shares Bipolar and something else I didn't know about.... rage!!
And this one stupid kid who is really asking for it.... called us both gay and said we had gay sex at my house...
Once again.... that is one thing you do not do.... is insult my friendships.... I am absolutley closed fisted about that... I will not let that go without saying something.

I have listened to my mother... and my best friends mother talk about how we are in a rage... I have never seen so much fear in there eyes.... they said we where the scariest thing on the planet.

Me and him both black out and everything!

So this kid we both cannot stand it trying to provoke both of us into rage so 'he can use it to his adavantage'.....

Does he not get it??? My mom is scared for this kid and won't let me go near him.... she is literally afraid i might kill him... And my best friends mom was just like (lol) God oh mighty, let there be no objects he can throw in the area.

I am who I am; thats that... but maybe If I had known, maybe things could have been different....wait....

I like things the way they are.


|Youth??|
(My, knuckles have turned to white, there is no turning back tonight... kiss me one last time....)