Sorry to be dogmatic, but I have a different take on the issue:

Above all, deal with the fact that YOU are a boy. Even though other people have stepped on you all your life and never allowed you to BE a boy, in a safe, constructive, fun environment, you still have to go on fighting for those times when you can get your own relationship needs met. You have to KEEP asking older guys for help with sexual discipline, career advice, role-modeling for how to deal with women, etc. Projecting your own internal boy-needs out onto other boys will get you NOWHERE FAST.

A boy is not a "horcrux" onto which you can put your soul, so that it is safe from danger. If you're so wrapped up in a boy that you don't care whether you live or die, because the sun rises and sets on HIM, then you're not a boy-lover, you're a vampire.

You can't play the role of boy-lover to a boy until you've learned good boundaries yourself from an older man with a well-baked (i.e., stable and socially valuable) masculine identity.

If you still talk about it being "ALL about the boy," then you have a long way to go in learning about boundaries.

Zaphod: "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
Ford: "Ask a glass of water."

Did you feel the SCHWING, as the perspective shifted?

Zaphod only cares about GETTING DRUNK (on alcohol) and forgetting his own pain in that experience. Ford is aware that the glass (of water) might have a perspective of its own!

Those are the two perspectives I want to talk about. First, being a BL and being intoxicated by drinking (we call it "sharing") another boy's experience of being a boy. "Getting your Boy-Phine on" as we say at BC. Second, being a boy whose experience of being a boy is being DRUNK UP by a BL. Not very nice, to imagine yourself sliding down the gullet of some old fat guy.

But you have free will! Here is a glass of crappy sewage which represents YOUR experience of being a boy. Here is another glass of cold, clean, clear water, which represents HIS experience of being a boy, (da cute little fella's!)

Which one do you want to drink? HIS glass. Which one do you get to drink, if you're a man of integrity? Yuck....your own glass of sewage!

A boy-lover is always poised at a decision-point, deciding whether to GET MORE INTO his own crappy boy-life, (feeling all that old pain, trying hard to fix his relationship life, trying AGAIN when things don't work) or GET MORE INTO some ideal boy-life, as so nicely constructed in the supermarket magazines, YMCA recruiting posters, TV sit-coms, etc.

But GETTING INTO YOUR OWN BOY-LIFE is real; it hurts, but it's the only way things get better.

Just saw the film Blades of Glory, laughed my ass off. My mom is quite the fan of figure-skating.

Jimmy McElroy (Jon Heder, with great hair) is the cutie-pie teen-idol type. His stalker, Hector, says "I want to wear your skin." It's funny, but it's chilling. Fortunately, McElroy and Hector seem to have a worked out a pretty mellow, laid-back stalker/stalkee relationship. But think about that every time your eye lands on a pretty face: To do a PEDOPHILE GAZE on a boy is to stalk him; to stalk him is to kill him, strip the skin off the boy and wear it yourself on your own face.

And no matter how you feel about letting people see your own face, it's still better than wearing some other boy's. Drippy, sticky, sweaty, it doesn't come down to your chin, and it's hard to breathe through those little nose holes.

---Didaskalos