I am really fixing to have some serious down time in my life. SO, i was afraid to loose my friend to life, job, responsibilities, driving; etc.

And It is so hard to focus on the now, and my other relationships because I am so sad that our 'hang time' will be reduced drasticly, and i could honestly cry. When i am not around him, i start to think like "back in the day" if you catch my drift, and it dangerous.

I miss him every moment i am not with him; and its not a attraction or obsession, its really just loving the most valuable relationship God has ever given me, and it hurts so bad.

I keep being told i need to focus on the now, and He himself has told me he isn't going anywhere, and that he'll always be here, and that my girlfriend needs a little attention.

I talked to her, and she is so sad that i would rather spend time with him, she doesn't understand why i want to hang out with him over her any day.

I told her how special this relationship is for me, right after i left my church, i was done with it, never cared if i ever went back; but Youth group is important to me. This kid came out of nowhere, introduced to me a new church, a family i now call my second, led me closer to God, and has been someone I can open up to and tell all my troubles. I can tell him about my past, my dark, dark past, but i can't work up the balls and say "I am afraid of losing you".

He is BEST FRIEND, not a aqantiance, not a friend, some of you may or may not have any idea. But i LOVE this kid, and its driving me nuts that i can almost see him falling away from me, we had a trip scheduled next weekend, but no, he is working, and i am not going without him, and my birthday is a two weeks from now, and he won't be able to make it to my spend-the-night party, all because of work. I am so sorrowful I have so much burdening me, I had a stress adrenaline spike today that knocked me out for 2 hours, I am just so confused, i cannot find any will or motivation to do anything without my best friend.

I don't want to loose him.
And I only have one year left to change the course of my life, it seems.
Who knows where i'll be in a year, if I am alive then.