I have kinda been reading here on and off for a while now, but I never really had anything interesting to say. I suppose I don't really see myself as a religious person, but I do have thoughts sometimes. I often wonder why I am a BL, in a society that does not tolerate such love? Is it a cruel joke by the man above? Who knows?

Yes, I believe in the whole heaven/hell issue, and quite frankly I sometimes wonder why I am so worried about the sexual urges I often times get that involve young boys. The fact that I cannot fulfill such human desires, nor do I wish too, as the risk is great and the fulfillment too small seems that I'm damned either way. Even hell sounds like a better place than this life I am forced to live.

The last time I have been in a church for religious services was also the last time I was in church for Sunday school. Funny isn't it, that I fear for something that does not even matter much to me? I read about the posters here that abstain from masturbation, and I stop and wonder, am I strong enough to do that? Sometimes I also worry that taking such a path would only make my empty life worst, for this little relief I can give myself is sometimes the only time I am happy during my day. For each of you that choses such a path, you have my absolute respect. I wish you the very best.

I'm not going to go off on a mindless ramble, at least not anymore than I already have. Just thought I would say hi.