Hi Nash and Youth (I'm Bertil), yes its too easy to focus on what's tough in your life. But there's so much to be joyful about. I find it helpful to thank God for everything He gave me in the day and through my whole life, whenever I am down, or in the morning, or before sleep. The Psalms are a good inspiration for that. Having obsessive feelings or unrequited love and so can make things hard, but its important, I think, not to let these things define us. Its all new to me and I'm not sure, but its for this reason that I am hesitant to say I'm a BL, that might put me in a box or determine my fate...but I'd be interested in what others say.
As for masturbation, if you don't have peace in your mind and spirit--which is impossible to acheive without silence, mediation, prayer, slowing down, making time for God to filter down into your soul--then its basically impossible to not do it.
I must be pretty unusual because I don't need to fantasize to take matters into my own hands. And there is something inside me that resists fantasizing about boys, doesn't sit right. Plus I can think of images of men or women anyway.

Smiles,
Bertil