All I can say is that this is exactly what i do (for the time being) to keep myself sane. Fantasy isn't "enough" of course, but it is a sufficient band-aid. I am looking for a (legal) boyfriend, with little luck. I think it would be a mistake for me to find a wife, seeing as how there might be 6 women on the planet I'm even attracted to even a little bit.

I don't know if fantasy about boys is ultimately wrong or right, but as far as I can understand, like many things, it is not so much a matter of what is done, but why. My point is in line with "It is not what goes into a man that makes him unclean, but what comes out of a man." (John? or Matthew... I can't remember) This goes beyond the direct context of eating unclean things all the way to actions. Take killing for example. "Thou shall not commit murder." But it is right to kill to defend the innocent, during a just war, in just punishment for heinous crimes, and in self defense. This is an easy example, but there are exceptional situations (read: reasons) for doing things that seem counter to each particular law, but are in fact not counter to the whole of the Law. (Excepting the first and second commandments "Love God...Love Neighbor" these are absolute) The proper understanding of "what comes out of a man" versus "what goes into a man" I believe is this: The action of the spirit is what makes a thing harmful to the spirit, not the actions of the body caused by the actions of the spirit. The actions of the spirit are not your thoughts per se, but rather the intentions behind them. By 'intentions' I don't really mean the conscious, logical reasons one does something, but rather the unconscious desire to do Right or the one to do Wrong. The man who cures cancer, but does it solely for his own personal gain sins, but the sniper who kills a man having tea, whom he knows is a mass murderer who will continue killing if permitted, does not sin.

Do the ends then justify the means? No, not quite. Only Christ justifies anything of ours. No, it's more subtle than that. It is not the logical ends that alter an innate nature of an evil act into a good act, but the more powerful guiding nature of the actions of our spirit (for Christians, this is itself guided by the Spirit of God) that imbue all of our actions with good or evil in the first place.

This is not just semantics; there is a profound difference between these two philosophical points of view. If our spirit is acting for Good, then the actions of our body (and mind) will tend to follow in that vein. This is because it is very difficult for the spirit to act in Good and Evil at the same time, and I might posit that it cannot. The mind surely can, but I do not believe that the spirit can, but even if it can it is surely difficult and rare. Thus the actions we are drawn to take to solve the situations before us through life, if each is begun in Good, the actions we continue to take will tend to themselves be rooted in Good, and thus will be moderated in their scope (If the sniper I mentioned before is acting our of Evil, he might use a high-yield bomb, killing everyone in the building of the target, including innocent people, but if he is acting out of Good, he will realize that that is wrong and choose the sniper rifle.)

But I'm neither a sniper nor a cancer researcher, I'm just a boylover trying to stay sane and love boys without causing harm. For me, my choice to look at legal porn and fantasize about not so legal boys as I masturbate, and in fact masturbating at all serves these purposes, yes. But the fact that I do them our of my desire to do the right thing (Yes! serving ourselves is something that is *right* within reason!!!) is what makes me not feel guilty. I ask God to forgive my lust, and I try battle that lust in this way. Were I acting out of Evil, it could escalate such that fantasy was not enough etc., but I am not acting out of Evil, so, just like the sniper, I will not go beyond the bounds of right action because my spirit does not.

I hope this makes some sense... this is a complicated argument, and probably deserves a book instead of a forum post, but I'll use what I have.

Love in Christ,