Well I'm sure the antis will have a ball with this one... hehehe

Ok... So I'm not having sex with my wife ... well for obvious reasons.

I tried to abstain totally... her or nothing kind of thing.

Well after 3 weeks my nuts were killing me. My dreams were getting very sexy (about boys of course)... though no wet dreams. And my thoughts were so sexually focused all the time it was very distracting. I was obsessing over looking up pics (legal ones) and was struggling to resist.

I got thinking... this is not how I'm supposed to be living. God has called us to peace.

So resolved to find an alternative Cat turns to masturbation.

Trouble is ... finding a fantasy I can wank to without feeling guilty about it.

That is the challenge I'm facing now.

I don't think wanking to real boys is appropriate at all.... but if I can't discipline my thoughts with some firm direction I seem to go this way very quickly.

I tried to wank without fantasy... but well it didn't get me anywhere.

Tonight, I even started praying whilst I was wanking. I was asking God to help me get sexual release in a way that would not be offensive to Him. So there I was going for it whilst praying my heart out... can you belive it!

I'm not sure I got my answer this time... cause at some point I stoped the praying and started fantasising about something I wasn't totally pleased with. Sex with some boy.

I know I've raised this topic multiple times... but I'm really still wrestling with it so much.

Idealy I would like to be able to have sex with my wife... but even then I can't get anywhere without a boy fantasy and I'm determined not to do that to her. And that's the last thing she wants anyway.

Any suggestions guys?

Blessings
Cat.