Cat...

I am sorry that things went downhill for you.

Women are weird. What can I say? lol and when we marry them, their weirdness increases exponentially. It's funny. I know exactly what to say to ANY of my female friends to make them smile or feel better about themselves when they are down. But do you think I can do that to my wife? I always say exactly the wrong thing and exactly the wrong time with her.

I wouldn't get a defeatist attitude just yet me Bucko. She wants you to fight, then damn well give her a fight. If she brings up you are selfish, tell her that she's damn right you're selfish. You are selfish in wanting to have a loving relationship. You are selfish for wanting to see you kids on a daily basis. You are selfish for not wanting to break your vow before God. If that is selfishness, then be the most selfish son of a bitch you can be.

And did I mention stubborn?

If YOU want to save the marriage (and I say save because it is my belief that NOTHING is ever "too late" until the day we die), then you are going to have to hang in there for as long as possible. It might mean making yourself scarce or getting up in her face. But if she thinks you don't care about her, it will be all that much harder. Honestly, I wouldn't even think about sexual issues right now anyway. You need to show her that you are resolved and committed to that fight.

I know it is difficult. I am the same way as you. Mostly passive. But you have a chance. She may be angry and hurt and confused, but she does not despise you as my wife does me. You can win her back. If you want to.