1) Never hit a child, unless you want me as your enemy.
2) In fact, don't bother trying to 'punish' a child: it doesn't work the way you have been told.

Most people confuse the term "discipline" with "punishment", when in fact they are far from the same.

Punishment is when one causes something bad to happen in response to unwanted behavior.
Discipline is controlling behavior.
Two other terms that are relevant are
positive reinforcement (rewarding the desired behavior)
negative reinforcement (removing a 'painful' feeling when desired behavior is performed)

Punishment is different from negative reinforcement in two primary ways:
1) punishment is 'painful' feelings given after a behavior, not before it
2) punishment causes animosity between the punished and the punisher

Using your bottle incident as an example, I'll show you what I mean:

1) what actually happened: Punishment
Upon being hit by the bottle, you hit him back. If it was light, he learned that hitting someone to get them to do what you want is ok. If you hit him hard, he learned that you can be mean. Both are bad for him, both are bad for you. In addition, he has seen that you are no better than he is despite your age, and have thus fallen off your 'horse', lost your position of role model and become just another dumb kid. This is where you lose biggest because he has lost respect for you, because he can't "look up to you" anymore. Too much of that, and you can never be his role model again, because he will mature beyond the image he has of you, and look down at you.

2) what could have happened: application of positive reinforcement
The desired behavior here is recognition of wrongdoing, and genuine apology.
Upon being hit, you say something along the line of "Arg! that MMMM! hurt!" and look at him with a hurt expression. He responds imidiately with "Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" and you immidiately soften your expression and hug him lightly, thus rewarding the appropriate behavior.
Thus, he learns that hitting is not ok, and that remorse and repentance are appropriate after getting carried away. He does not feel bad about himself, only his behavior.

But what if he doesn't apologise right away?
3) what could have happened: application of negative reinforcement
The situation is exactly as before, except now you are staring at him, and he has not apologised yet. You must stop and permit nothing to happen, no fighting, no fun, nothing but you looking at him hurt, and waiting. As long as he's older than about 6, he will feel uncomfortable with you just looking at him, and will feel akward that you are not responding with anger, nor shrugging it off. If you are playing a game, he will quickly realise that you are not playing anymore. He will either apologise, or ask why you are staring/not playing anymore. If he apologises, you continue as before, immidiate response with a hug or other loving/friendly behavior and this time a "Thank you". If he asks, you say "That really hurt" and here he should apologise. If not, continue to the point of absurdity: sit where you were and ignore everything he does until he apologises. If he tries to engage in something you can't ignore (more violent behavior, dangerous behavior) you look him in the eyes (uncomfortable feeling again) and say "You hurt me, and I'm waiting for an apology." Here he will apologise, or you will ask him to leave.


Thses are skills, hun, and ones you will have to work at, and you will screw up along the way, but if you keep the ideas in your head (take a class in basic psych!!) they will work, and both of you will reap the benefits for years to come.


Love in Christ,
~CSL

P.S. What is the nature of your learning difference/disability, if you don't mind my asking? I know about adult ADHD, but anything else you can tell me will be helpful in any further advise I give you, especially since you think it borders on some legal issues.