With a boy!
I have been developing a purely Platonic friendship with an 11 yo I know.
On the weekend I got to spend 10 minutes chatting to him and frankly it has filled me with joy.

I am entertaining no agendas with this boy except to enjoy with gratitude any time I get to be with him.

He has entered my fantasy life but I have some strict rules of how far that is going to go. For a start I'm not letting it get any way sexual… not even romantic. I keep reliving the 10 min chat we had… that's a great fantasy. I laugh out loud at how wonderful he is and his smile and the joy he described things with. He was telling me how much he loves mud fighting, of all things! I imagined him doing that… what a blast!… my beautiful boy laughing and covered in mud (hehe). Last night I feel asleep imagining we had some kind of secret rings that worked like communication devices. I dreamed that we called each other from our bedrooms and were chatting.

This morning I was praying and thanking God that I could take such innocent joy in such a wonderful person.

My wife has made it pretty clear that we are over as a couple. For my whole marriage I've never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone else (though I have secretly wanted too… a mistake on my part I believe cause it wasn't healthy for the marriage). Nevertheless, I now feel a certain freedom to get swept up in this kid and enjoy every minute. The great thing is that he comes to me… he's the one initiating the friendship.

Gosh I feel good!

I'm so terribly sad about my marriage. So guilty for what I've done to my wife. And in the midst of all that… this wonderful thing happens.

Blessings
Cat.