I definitely think it would be a million times harder to stay away from sex with boys if things were any of the ways you listed. Because of my belief that boy sex is bad, I am glad things are the way they are.

I believe that having sex with a boy under any circumstance is a sin. Notice I didn't say I believe that it will always have negative consequences for the boy, just that it is always a sin. So that is why I am glad things are the way they are, because if our society was the ways you listed, I might have already had sex with a boy, thus sinning. And by that I don't mean I never sin and if I had sex with a boy it would be my only sin. But that sin would definately (most of the time) have a larger impact (negative, most of the time) on my life than any other sin.

I just think that the resistance to temptation that we badge "loving" boys could really just mean: "being too afraid of consequences to take the action we want to take".

I am afraid of the worldly consequences. But I am extremely frightened of the spiritual consequence, which would include distancing myself from God, feeling guilt because I knew it was wrong. Then, for me, it would be hard to face God... because I knew it was wrong, so why did I do it?