I'm sorry about your friend. I don't have any magic words that will make your friend feel better. Obviously, the priest was very wrong. It is always the adult's responsibility to keep a relationship with a minor non-sexual. However, I don't know enough about that particular situation. Did the priest use his position of authority to pressure/coerce/manipulate him into being sexual? This would be an entirely different situation than if he willingly entered into such a relationship. Don't misunderstand. That doesn't mean that the priest was any less responsible for letting the situation turn sexual. But at 14, a boy should understand that he has choices, if in fact it was a choice.

This is hard to explain without making it sound like I am putting blame on the kid. But something that no one ever wants to admit or consider is that teens are capable of making choices. If we are too quick to put the "victim" label on them, and they are too quick to accept it, it can be a nasty trend that does not do the kid any good. He might go thru life always playing the victim role instead of learning to stand on his own two feet. So I would tell him to accept what happened and move on. Yes, what the priest did was wrong. But put it in the past and get on with life. And next time when someone wants something from you, (and there will ALWAYS be people who want something from you), remember that you have the power to CHOOSE what you will and will not do. That can apply to sex, drugs, drinking, anything.

On another note. Responding to something you said in an earlier reply.......I can't speak for molesters, since I am not one, but I can speak for pedophiles, or at least THIS pedophile. When I lust after boys, I am not tempted to USE them for my own PLEASURE. My temptation is to SHARE a physical intimacy with them. For some reason, my brain tries to tell me that physical sexual intimacy would bring the ultimate closeness between me and the boy. In fact, I would be more concerned that the boy feels pleasure than myself. I know that probably creeps you out, but hey, it's the truth So I suspect that molesters don't always look at it like they are using the boys either. They probably see it as LOVING the boy in the ulimate way. This is why I believe very strongly that if society would stop condemning ALL pedophiles, and just accept the fact that we will always exist, they can then focus on telling pedophiles in general that it's ok to be a pedophile as long as you control it. Think about it. Have you EVER heard ANYONE suggest that a pedophile can be an ok guy if he controls himself? I haven't. So instead of hearing that their urges can be controlled (they can), all pedophiles hear is what monsters they are. Talk about a self fulfilling prophesy.

Dakota