I am so sorry. I know how you feel. (Yes, really).

A long time ago, my first love (not really a YF) and I broke up, and it sent me into a fit of depression that nearly killed me. I used to do stupid things like calling his answerphone just to hear his voice and crying for hours over his photograph.

But ... after a while, I found I was remembering the good times we had and looking back on them with fondness for what we had, not despair for what was lost. I would smile when I saw his photo rather than cry.

And then, some time afterwards, our paths happened to cross again and now, nearly 30 years later, we still keep in touch.

About not being able to cry .. don't worry. You will, when your body is able. It's because the changes caused by puberty screw around with the emotion-handling centres of the brain. If you're really worried, ask your doctor (you should be able to do this in confidence), but really you're normal.

Maybe you don't care either? Of course you do. We all do. And the world is a better place because of it. Besides, if you really didn't, you wouldn't be posting here, you'd be out playing football or whatever.

I know it hurts. It hurts like hell. But the pain will go, eventually. You'll never forget him, but you will be able to move on and live without him. Don't rush it though, let things take their time, and you'll be fine.

By pure chance, I was listening to the daily church service on the radio when I started this, so I've sent a special mention to God for you.

Look after yourself, and remember we're always here to listen.

LeX