Do you believe that if you hadn't been in a minor adult relationship as a child that you would have the attractions you do?

I always believed that until recently when I went after 20 years and talked to the guy who had "mollested" me. He gave me some info and helped me remember things that now makes me think I was heading in that direction before he started sexing me up. And It was because I was heading in that direction that he was able to get me to consent.

I remember really enjoying the sex... but feeling very guilty that what I was doing was against God's will... which is why I eventually said 'no more'.... I was about 10 then... and had been sexing with him for about 2 years.

My wife does know. She knew before we got married. We both hoped that I would get healed ... and I haven't. Its complicated... She loves me... she hates my sexuality... our marriage may not endure. We are the very best of friends... but the sexual side of our relationship has taken a big dive recently... I'm kinda getting to the point where I cannot keep an errection with her. Who knows where we'll end up. She completely trusts me around kids but she hates that I'm attracted to them and not to her. I really beleive that it was not fair to marry her... but I was young and had high hopes. We have been together for nearly 20 years.

Blessings
Cat.