This is the part of the discussion where it gets more interesting. We have disected the parts that we agree on, the parts that we disagree on, and the parts that simply require a different perspective than the one you currently have. Where the discussion becomes smaller and more focused, more minute and important.

"What is it about the youth that you're attracted to? I've never been attracted to someone I couldn't go to a bar with."

I am attracted to how children look. I am attracted to how children act. I am attracted to a child's pheremones. Yes like adults they put off pheremones but most people don't notice it just like the gay guy won't notice a woman's pheremones. I suspect that I am attracted to children in the same ways that you are attracted to adults. The bar scene is not really my thing. I will do it occassionally but not often, I don't smoke and drink very little, part of having good self control.

"Have you ever met a person at your church who you KNOW is gay, but they're married with kids?"

This still assumes alot. I have met gay people who are flamboyant and some who you would never guess are gay. Same with straight people. Unless someone tells you I don't assume someone is gay, straight, pedophile, or whatever.

I'm sorry that your sexuality was repressed as it was that is not something anyone should have to deal with. I read your story more than once but it is still unclear to me. Are you male or female? Are you a gay male engaged to a man? Either way congratulations, I hope your marriage is a happy and long one. Your story is a possible one for young pedophiles but highly unlikely that an adult will still think he is a pedophile way past his teens. Sexuality is a fluid, not rigid thing, that can fluxiate. Our own poster 'youth??' is discovering this for himself.

I can relate to your experience. I was in a very long term relationship with a woman. I broke it up for many reason one of which because I am a BL. I was in denial and knew that marriage would not work. She did not deserve that and neither did I. It was painful for both of us but it had to be done. We are now friends but not very close. She may never fully understand why I broke up with her but she will be better off for it, I did it for her not myself. I know what you went through bt instead of gaining what I truly wanted I gave something up. I really do hope you are happy with you man. That you two live long and prosper with each other. Move on from this place, have kids, middle income jobs, and live in a decent neighborhood. Be happy and remember we are ALL children of God, beloved and forgiven.