So I can post a reply if this site will let me. I read a few of the other exchanges too. I don't know if I was born a pedophile. I've often wondered what the cause was, but never really was able to find a reason. I'm not gay or bi, although for many years I told myself I was. I am attracted to women, so I figured if I was also attracted to boys, I must be bi. Looking back, it's almost funny how I didn't wonder why I was only attracted to boys and not men. I guess being a pedophile was too terrible to even consider for many years. But I did finally accept reality. I've found that some gays are pedophiles, but also some straights are also attracted to boys. I know this sounds strange, but apparently it's not uncommon.

I am well aware that my attractions are not the norm. I consider it an orientation, but call it what you will, I refuse to be ashamed of something I have no control over. But even though no one would know I am a pedophile by my actions, seeing all the hate directed at pedos, knowing that I am one of them, does bother me. So as far as what can be done to help, judging us by our actions instead of our feelings would be a good start.

You ask if I want to be helped. It depends on what kind of help we are talking about. Some churches have tried to "help" by not allowing admitted pedophiles from having ANY interaction with kids at all. I'm not suggesting sleepovers, but not even allowing us to be around kids in a group setting with plenty of other adults around is going too far. Hearing stories like that from others has kept me from coming out to my church, a place where everyone is supposed to be able to share their burdens. But even though only a very few very close frinds know what I am, I still try never to be alone with a child, just so there in not even a hint of impropriety. I guess it's called covering my ass. But if I were ever shunned from being around kids at all, it would break my heart.

The kind of help we all need is for people, starting with the media, to stop using the words "pedophile" and "molester" as if they mean the same thing. I read news stories where the 2 words are used interchangably. They might say he was arrested for pedophilia or say he was charged with being a pedophile. Being a pedophile is not against the law and never has been, although I know many wish it were. And the media always assumes anyone who molests is a pedophile. This is so untrue. Many times some guy will molest simply because a child is more vulnerable than an adult. They would prefer having sex with an adult, but adults are harder to control, so they go after a kid. This is not a pedophile.

Something you said in another reply I wanted to comment on. You were explaining why you believed thoughts to be almost as bad as actions. These thoughts of kids in a sexual way will come to any pedophile. There is no way to stop it. But that doesn't mean it's an obsession. Just like you will look at a pretty woman walking down the street with admiration, we may sometimes see a cute boy and look at him with the same kind of admiration. That doesn't mean I am fantasizing about what it would be like to have sex with him. It just means I "see" him in a different way than most men would, and I am aware that it comes from the sexual attraction that is inside me. I don't see this as a major problem. It doesn't hurt him and it doesn't hurt me. But yes, there are also times my thoughts go further than mere admiration. These are the thoughts I try to suppress. I have heard Christian speakers put it this way. Impure thoughts will come. It is not a sin to have an impure thought. But if you focus on that thought, ask that thought to come in for tea and cookies and a chat, then it becomes sin. (I know they weren't talking about pedophilia, but it still applies) So I try not to ask those kinds of thoughts in for tea.

I hope this posts. In any case, I gotta go.

Dakota