It takes a lot of slogging through the mire before folks can talk about
their stuff.

I'm lucky, in that I had three solid strikes against me which I can put my finger on. They hurt, yeah, but at least I don't dither about in confusion as to WHY I am how I am, or WHAT I can do about it. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, and, with plenty of help from God's Grace and Christ's example, I KNOW WHAT TO DO to fix those things.

My mom was a teacher who "impinged" on me a lot (= didn't respect my emotional and physical space. I have set boundaries now; people in my family respect my boundaries.

I was abused as a kid by the minister's son. I have talked about that in proper circumstances, and I address that as a residual issue whenever I meet a new pastor. ("I hate you a little a bit! not you personally, but the office you represent, the authority, the history, the theology. Nothing personal; I've learned over the years to work through that.")

At 14, when I should have been moving out into the bigger world sexually and emotionally, my beloved uncle died, and I didn't get a chance to properly mourn him. I stopped processing stuff emotionally, and naturally any 14-year old who is in emotional turmoil catches my eye. In recent years, I have deliberately created opportunities to mourn and say good-bye to my uncle. He was the male in my family that was drawing me out, who shared my interests, who liked to have a good time. My dad was not as strong on the relational side as my mom.


"Do you believe there is a gene that you were born with?"

No; boys are born wanting to preserve whatever mother-infant bond they had.
When mom throws boys out & stops hugging them at 12, then they hunt around for other titties to grab. As your website so gracefully reminds us. Hopefully dad helps them get a feel for when and where they can do that safely. Pedophile boys want to preserve that relationship with mom, but they were never the "boy" in that relationship, that is, never a real person whose feelings were important. Being male, they naturally gravitate to the person who had all the power in that relatinship, which was MOTHER. Being MOTHER in a relationship to another boy gives several advantages:
They don't have to see the emotionally annihilating MOMINATOR face (the phallic, powerful mother who keeps saying stuff HOW DARE YOU FEEL SOMETHING ELSE WHEN I'm TALKING TO YOU? HOW DO YOU THINK IIIIIII FEEL??? NOT NOW, MOMMIE'S TIRED. MOMMIE'S COLD, PUT ON A SWEATER. LET ME TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT!!!) In a relationship with another woman they WOULD have to see that mominator face. With an external Boy-Doll to play with, pedophiles can easily "turn-on" the sexual feelings when they want to; they can easily "turn them off" when they want to.


Unfortunately, reality does sometimes slip in, and somebody shows the pedophile his face in the mirror...and it's kinda like that same MOMINATOR face! Uh-oh! Then you should see the pedo-guys scramble, hide and deny!

Or worst of all, they get a relationship going with a waxy, flexible boy, and nobody interrupts them, and things develop...until the EXACT SAME DYNAMICS have been duplicated as in the original relationship. The 50 year old Mr. Edward Stevens and 13-year old Carlos are enacting exactly the same scenes as Mrs. Stevens and little Teddy, 37 years ago. Then, horror of horrors, the pedophile realizes that he has spent all this time and energy BECOMING HIS OWN MOTHER, and STILL there is no opportunity for little Teddy to say who he is or how he feels. YUCK!!

That's the way the great OEDIPAL tragedy works out for pedophiles...

The problem is that the relationship was bad in the first place. Nobody heard the pedophile's OWN voice in the relationship, when he was in the MOMinated relationship; and pedophiles are STRIKINGLY deaf to the boy's interests in such relationships with other boys as they are able to get away with.

The devil is in the fact that only by talking in groups with other men can a pedophile-guy get in touch with his real feelings; but when a guy DOES start talking about how helpless he was in his relationship with his mom...every other guy in the group starts to fade out, get uncomfortable, edge away....because guys in general can't deal with the powerlessness of being in mominated relationship. They feel like they're experiencing it when a pedophile guy talks about it, and they can't stand it, so they pull away. And of course, the pedophile guy, with his ready maternal sympathies, feels for them, because he knows first-hand that it really is a horrible thing. So really, the only way forward that I can see is for us pedophiles to band together and LISTEN to what each other has to say. Cutting through all the boy-dolls and masks. And that's what I try and do here at CBLF. There are lots of people here who don't have clear moral boundaries, yeah; but there need to be good role-models to show the younger peds how to behave, how to be responsible for their peddy feelings without wiping all that slime on some other boy.

---Didaskalos