Talking to my wife recently has had some interesting developements.

She is finally seening things with us how they really are. She is realising the realities of my attractions.

She still hopes I might change... but she sees that I don't see that as very likely.

That is a delicate subject for us.

Recently we had a conversation about lust. She suggested that I don't lust after her. She was right. I said to her, "I find you attractive and have always enjoyed our sexual relationship... but I don't lust after women". Maybe lust is the wrong word... we mean strong sexual drive and passion...not the negative uncontrollable urges commonly called "lust".

She wants a man to lust after her. I don't know if I can give her that. She has asked me to get a sexual education... read books on sex techquines... see a sex therapist... but these things frighten me alot. I started reading the book... but it just reminds me what a turn off I find adult hetro sex... that don't help I'm afraid.

I have myself been coming to terms recently between the difference between my sexual attraction to boys and my sexual attraction to her. Understand that when I got married I was not attracted to women at all!... I got married in faith that God would bless the marriage... and He has, but overall I'm still not at all attraced to women. Certainly not in the same way I'm overwhelmingly attracted to boys.

I see a boy and go ga ga... I see a woman and I try and will myself to be attracted... and ... nothing. With my wife, I see her and I think she's attractive and I desire to be with her... but it's not the lust I feel for a boy I'm attracted to.

She said to me we will stay friends if we can't stay lovers.

Please pray for us guys.

Cat.