Hi Del. Sorry it took so long to reply, but I've been away.

Personally, I think that anyone that touches a kid (whether they want it or not) falls into the "really bad ones" category.

You have a much more narrow view of what the REALLY BAD ONES are than I do. I think there is a HUGE difference between someone who fondles a child and someone who rapes them. There is a huge difference between having consensual sexual contact with a child and holding him down and raping him while he is struggling and crying. I would feel much more uneasy about living near someone who grabbed a kid off the street and forcibly raped him than I would of living near a guy who talked his nephew, cousin, etc., into letting him touch his penis. All of the actions I mentioned are wrong, but there are differences in the degree of severity. To treat the guy who grabbed a kid off the street the same as the guy who "played doctor" when he shouldn't have is a terrible injustice.

I'd go to jail this very moment if I knew that it would prevent a boy from being raped, or even touched or manipulated in a way that will eventually adversely affect his life.

I would not. I would voluntarily turn myself in if I felt that I was a danger to kids, if I felt that I couldn't control my impulses, but I would not voluntarily go to jail for something someone else might do. Using your logic, every pedophile in the world should be incarcerated simply because they have the attraction that SOME pedophiles act on. In fact, since many times it is non-pedophiles that molest, people who aren't necessarily attracted to kids but target them because they are vulnerable, then ANYONE with any kind of sex drive would have to be jailed.

generally it is only the people who make the big mistakes who get caught. Sexually touching a kid in my books is a BIG mistake. It is rare (from my limited experiences at least) that a BL who just gave his YF the occasional backrub or kiss on the forehead actually got caught or in a lot of trouble. It is the people who do sexual things or are into child porn and stuff like that that get caught.

This brings us back to what constitutes a big mistake. I agree that people don't generally get in trouble for back rubs and kisses. That isn't illegal. And people who are sexual with a child SHOULD be caught and punished. But that brings us back to how severely should they be punished and for how long. Most pedophiles not only have a sexual attraction to kids, but they also have a deep love for them. With both the sexual attraction and love combined, most pedophiles would find comfort in a sexual relationship with a child. There is part of me that is drawn to want that kind of relationship. I refrain because of moral and legal reasons. And my logical mind tells me that this would be wrong and probably hurtful for the child. But the emotional draw is still there. I believe many pedophiles are like that. If someone makes the mistake of being sexual with a child, and you label him as a preditor and in essence punish him for the rest of his life, I believe he would be more likely to look for the only source of comfort he has left.......being sexual with kids. This is what I meant when I spoke of cultivating re-offending pedophiles.

no one except the real dangerous ones are going to do things that might get them in jail. Its kind of like speeding.

Speeding is not an emotional response, nor does it involve basic human instincts like sexual attraction. And no one who molests a child thinks he is going to get caught.

And on the subject of child porn, we have to decide exactly what constitutes porn. People have been prosecuted for having non-sexual nude pics of kids. The logic behind this has been that if a guy is a pedophile and has these kinds of pics, it is porn for him because of his attractions, whereas the artist who takes pics of nude kids is ok because he doesn't have that attraction. So now we have the thought police to worry about. Now you can be arrested and prosecuted for what you THINK. I'm wondering when it will be illegal to possess pics of boys with their shirts off.

I agree that the kids involved in the trials and stuff will be scared for life? But what are the alternatives?

The alternative is to not force a kid to help in the prosecution of his molester if he doesn't want to. The kid may love the person who molested him and not want to see him jailed. The kid may not think it was that big a deal. Or the kid just may not want to go thru the grueling process. In any case, if the crime was committed against HIM then HE and his parents should have the option of what to do about it. Speaking of parents, they should not be threatened with losing custody of their child if they don't vigorously pursue prosecution of the molester. (this has been done) Something else that has been done way more than the media reports is that the kid is "grilled" to the point that he says whatever they want him to say just so he can stop the grilling. There have been cases where the kid later recanted what he said and explained that he only said it because they kept telling him that he could go home if only he would tell them what happened. (in other words, tell them what they wanted to hear) In cases where a father is the accused, the kid is often told that everything will be ok, their dad will just have to get treatment, or other such lies just to get the kid to say what they want.

Its even likely that if I see the same kids over and over I would make a few friendships. Now, if I have already offended, that friendship would likely lead from one thing to the next, and bang, I’m in jail again. Its kind of like the AA approach – take away temptation.

So you think that it's inevitable that a molester will re-offend? That seems to be what you are saying, and I don't agree. As for the AA approach, it's impossible to take away ALL temptation, unless you are in favor of keeping convicted molesters in jail forever. Just because you don't live hear a school doesn't mean you won't see kids every day. If you live on this planet, you will see kids. I agree that a pedophile should put limits on himself to keep from being overly tempted. That should be for each pedophile to decide. For myself, I don't let boys spend the night at my place. I feel it is too intimate a setting. It also might lead to false accusations. Other pedophiles may not see a problem with this. The government imposing their own idea about what level of temptation should be allowed will never work because molesters won't follow those limits anyway. The government may be able to keep convicted molesters from living in certain places, but they can't keep them from going to the mall, etc.

I must admit that your reply has me scratching my head. If I had read this anywhere but here, I would have assumed the poster was a non-pedophile. This isn't meant as a put down, but you don't seem to have much compassion for pedophiles in general. You DEFINITELY don't have any compassion for anyone who has ever made the mistake of being at all sexual with a child. I'm wondering how this can be if you have the same desires and attractions as the rest of us?

The main point I was trying to make is that "the system" in its current form often harms the child more than the actual molestation. I get the impression from your posts that you believe that any kind of adult/child sexual contact totally ruins the child for life. I don't agree. My belief is that although I can never see any instance where sexual contact is ever a good thing, I don't think every sexual contact will traumatize the child forever. I personally was molested as a kid. I didn't like it, but I wasn't tramatized either. I just didn't hang around that guy anymore. Problem solved. Thank goodness my mom didn't subject me to "the system." I have read accounts where the child WAS harmed for life. I have also read accounts (written by former molestation victims) where the kid didn't think what happened was that big a deal. And there have been all kinds of reactions in between the 2 extremes. Often, the victims suffer more (sometimes much more) from the "system" than from the molester. That is my main gripe. My secondary gripe is that former molesters can't shed the molester label. I stole some stuff when I was 19. It's on my record and will stay there. But I have been able to get on with my life and not have to continually pay for that mistake because it has faded into the background with time. I hate to think what my life would have been like if that theft was forever being thrown up in my face at every turn. It would have been impossible to have any kind of quality life. So I feel sympathy for those who made a mistake by surrendering to the same desires that I have and will never be able to let it fade into the background.

Dakota