Way back before I joined CBLF, Didaskalos made an interesting post that I wanted to bring up again:

When young men start having wet dreams, that is a really significant experiences, and there should be a time and a place for young men to work through the meaning of those dreams with older men. The Bible is big on dreams, and the Bible is big on bodily fluids...but somehow I never (growing up as Presbyterian) got the message that there was any connection. For me it was a very isolating experience to dream about guys; there was no sense of "welcome to the tribe!" until Michael came and spoke.

So, when I was a teenager, my dream/sex/spiritual life all went underground, flowing into channels completely isolated from the church.

Looking at the Bible now, I can KINDA see that the whole point of the obsession with bodily fluids is meant to be more than just fussiness or superstition; it's meant to be an expression of caring for those who are undergoing this emotionally shattering experience. Or at least, disorienting. Or weird, anyways. But of course, if older guys don't step up to the plate to talk about "what happens," then more kids will be isolated and grossed out by this really weird experience.

---Didaskalos

It's tragic that we as a society are so taboo about kids and sex that we won't even talk to them about it when it is needed most. I don't agree that adults should be going around having sexual relations with kids, but I do think kids should know what is going on with their own bodies. Who teaches kids about sex? Usually their peers - great source of information if I may use sarcasm.

I feel it's important that boys know about this stuff and are able to talk about it. Fathers ultimately have the responsibility of doing this, but really, how many of them do? Teenagers do stuff that parents have no idea about - because the parents have alienated themselves from the reality of what it is to grow up. And of course we have the "Oh, my kid wouldn't ever think of doing that" syndrome running rampant.

I feel it's important to talk to my youth group about purity. Once a year I invite my guys and their fathers to have the talk as a group. Oh my gosh, it's like pulling teeth. I have a private talk with the fathers inviting them to not have the talk - but they always do. We pray together, and then have the discussion with the teens.

What happens is that the fathers are too scared to "corrupt" their kids - which is a very noble stance to take - but it's not taken in perspective. When we finally sit down with the guys, they're all like, "not this again... we've already heard it".

So, it seems that this activity is a waste of time. What can I say to the fathers to get them to a point where they really understand how critical this stuff is? Or can it even be done? I'm not a parent, and many of you are. That's why I'm asking.

My church in general does a good job of dealing with this topic. I just want to do it better if possible. It seems that most fathers aren't doing it. I feel that we either need to train them how to (and explain why) or do it together.

When I was a teenager, guess what? I had to reinvent the wheel.

We don't let our kids learn to drive cars without guidance. Why should their sexual lives be any different? (And no, I'm absolutely not saying we should be sexual with them, I'm saying we should be able to skillfully allow them to ask what's on their minds so they can make good choices.)

~P