I still believe that i may have said some things that worried a few of you. But heck, thats love. But i want to leave a notice; please don't worry about me too much. I probrably made my life, or situation sound worst than it is. Its not. I have come to respect my YF wants and needs, no matter what i may think of. And i am assuming most of you know what i mean. He leaft my house, and called me later, just to check on me. When i sat him down to speak to him, i just apologized to him, over and over. I wanted to make sure that he was okay, and he didn't feel uncomfortable around me, and that there was nothing wierd against us, like a grude or anything. He stared at me, with his big green eyes, and simply said;

"The past is - well, the past".

I feel so much better. And i know what road i was trying to head down. And i knew the only person that would be able to stop me, was him. And to be honest, i believed he would, but i wasn't counting on it. I told a few of you, i can't remeber names, that this Young Friend of mine, would be the one to "break" me from my selfish ways.

None of you believed me. But, its working. Tonight i am going to a New Year's Party with him, in which TONS OF OTHER PEOPLE WILL ALSO BE THERE. You guys can't understand the power of which i feel now, that i don't have to have this ring of mental security around me, all the time. Im not afraid to tell anyone, that simply; i love boys. I don't need to mention past details or anything, but i feel so.... new and redone.

("If you do not put this relationship back on a purely PLATONIC level, like yesterday, you will be asking us in a few weeks, or months at the most, how you can put your shattered life back together, not to mention your YF's shattered life")

No one's life is shattered. In fact, this should be a time of reflection. I acomplolished something, i never thought possible - to just love my YF. Not lust over, not to touch innapropriatly. (By the way, to me and him, a back rub; is a matter of fact; just a back rub {not a back-side rub :p})

My New Year's Resolution, is to keep this up. As i move on into year 17 of my life, it scares me, but i have A COUPLE OF GOOD FRIENDS (if you don't know what i mean, reach towards your nearest;

(B)asic
(I)nstructions
(B)efore
(L)eaving
(E)arth

Happy New Year, and God Bless.

*Wink*