I can see that you love him very much, and it seems that he loves you too, Youth. He is a precious gift to you, as you well know! My godson and I were very much like this before he got "too old" for such things (he's straight). I think that you are trying to do the best possible thing for him as he wrestles with these internal maturations and self-discoveries (and he will continue this process for the next ten to twenty years btw): you are helping him think through it himself, and encourageing him to make his own decisions and come to his own conclusions.

My advice to you is this: don't ever stop loving him, and make sure that he knows that you will love him no matter what he does, no matter who/what he is. And make sure that he knows -fully conciously- that you will honor his deciosions about your relationship with him.

That last part sounds easy, but I've found it very hard, much harder than I ever thought it could be. After 8years of being physically close and cuddly with my godson, he concluded that he was straight and too old for that kind of affection. And so he no longer sat on my lap, eventually no longer even sitting up against me (though still close). For both of us it was breaking not just habits, but nearly an addiction. But it has been the most important part of showing him how much I love him. Even now, three years after this change in our relationship began, I find it so hard to refrain from wrapping my arms around him (even though he's taller than me now by a good 3 or 4 inches!), to refrain from running my fingers along his neck, to refrain from holding him close and kissing the top of his head like we used to do. But he still loves me as much as he did then, and I take comfort (for lack of a better word) from feeling his love for me. Even now, when we sit together in the pew at church, his knee is always touching mine, or his elbow (or he's poking me with his finger...) and it is both wonderful and horrible at the same time.

So take this as advice and warning when you speak with him on these delicate and deep issues he's struggling with and has honored and trusted you by including *you* in *his* self discovery.

~CSL