Well, I've done it this time. A day before Christmas eve I discovered that a friend of mine has a computer with internet access and I was able to use it secretly because he was out of town for the holidays. I didn't realise how strong my addiction was until now, but now I know...it's really bad.

To make a long story short, I didn't go to any pornographic sites, but I did visit a few questionable BL sites I knew of. Then I got scarred about what I was doing and turned it off and got out of there. I don't know much about covering my steps on a computer, so I spent the holiday with a lot of bad stuff on my mind. Like, "What am I going to do?" What if he finds out?"...etc.

Well, I decided to confide in my friend the Pastor last night, and he advised me to come forward to this guy about this. He is his pastor as well. He told me that maybe I shouldn't go into the whole BL issue, but I can't see how I can avoid that. So...

I'm going to have to come out to this person as a BL and as a recovering pornography addict. I think he will understand, but I don't really know for sure. I really need prayer on this one my friends. I'll tell you what, one thing is for sure, I am going to work on strengthening my recovery program. But I guess this just goes to show you that no matter how strong we think we are, nothing and noone is perfect. This is where God's grace is needed most.

With Love,
Chris