Cat, you do such a wonderful job of expressing yourself. I'm sure that most of us feel what you say, but we just can't put words to it.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

"They don’t represent who I really am."

No, of course not. If you have accepted Christ as your savior, he has taken on ALL of your sin.

"The trouble is that I feel very comfortable sinning"

Really? I mean, if you truely are a Christian, you won't feel comfortable with sin. Yes, it may come easily, but you will also know that it is wrong with every ounce of your being - and I don't see how that can be comfortable.

"The wrath of God came against them, And slew the stoutest of them"

You have to remember that this was written in OT times. 2 Cor 5:21 - God made him who had no sin to be sin takes care of all that for us. Yes, there was a whole lot of slewing going on for sin, but Jesus took it on for us. That just baffles my mind.

So does that mean that we are free to do as we please?

If we are in Christ, sin is not our master. We cannot serve two masters. We have a choice to make.

In regards to "we can have a little fantasy… how’s that hurting anyone?" it's hurting you. You're just getting worked up over something you can't have. Yes, you may find it satisfying at the time, and you may find it even more satisfying later as you wallow in your sin, but that pattern will only lead to disappointment. Sure, your sin was satisfying the first time, but the next time you have to have more, more, more!

There is an alternative, but it takes discipline, focus, and most of all prayer. We were put here to love these kids, right? I mean, we are wired for the job. I can tell you that there is more satisfaction in doing good for these kids than having fantasies that will end up hurting them and us. And the best thing is - it feels GREAT to do the right thing.

BE Christ's ambassador. There's no rush - no high - that can top it!