First of all I want to appologise for my last post. You know, the "Test" post and the one entitled "Unbelievable". I went off half-cocked and said some things in a tone that was not very nice. I'm very sorry for that and I would like to ask that everyone please forgive me. I get really pretty stressed around this time of year and sometimes it really gets to be too much. But I know I shouldn't take it out on others, so I am very sorry.

For five years my family has had absolutely nothing to do with me, and that includes every single holiday too. I think I can handle it ok, and I do but then Christmas comes around and it really gets hard, you know? Especially when I am around families with kids who remind me a lot of my niece and nephews. When I was dissowned by my family my niece was 12, and I had three nephews who were 13, 11, and 10. So for five years I have missed watching them grow up, and that especially hurts at the one holiday of the year that kids all love the most...Christmas.

I remember those Christmases that we did spend together, and they were so good. It was great buying presents for them and watching them open them up on Christmas. It was the highlight of my year, actually. But now those days are gone for good, and I can't have them back. I can't ever have them again, either. That is what hurts so bad this time of year for me. I have actually quit looking for even a Christmas card from any of them, because I know there won't be one. They are all gone from my life forever, and I know I have to accept that. There is something in the mind that refuses to believe in "forever" when it comes to family, even though I know it is the truth of the matter.

I don't spend Christams alone, in case anyone wants to know. I spend it with my Pasor's family who have "adopted" me. In fact, I have the most wonderful church family you could ever ask for. Not a holiday goes by that at least one or two families ask me to spend it with them. Usually I spend it with my "adoptive" family, but it's so nice to be asked. I hate to say this, but as great a blessing as that is, I still get blue around this time of year because I start thinking of all my nephews and niece and brothers and such. Anyway...

Enough of that!

God Bless everyone here this Christams Season! May He give you peace and much joy on this wonderful occasion when we remember the birth of His most Holy Son, Jesus.

I Love You All!

Chris