too many 'if only's' here youth.
deal in what IS rather than what MIGHT be or SHOULD be.
don't worry about gouging out any eyes just for the moment.
two might come in handy later on even if you can't use them at the moment.
deal with one problem at a time and stop being so melodramatic.
what exactly is it that goes beyond prayer and bible reading exactly?
What kind of God do you actually believe in anyway?
If you need structure in your life: build it! Noone else can build it for you.